waiting game

I hate feeling helpless - unable to change the course or direction that things will take. I have no choice in the matter - no acceptable alternative than to continue along this path, and await its conclusion.

I am currently stuck in a catch-22. Money keeps me tied to my current position and geographical location; my current location is one of the most expensive in the nation - if I lived somewhere less expensive, I could afford to make less. However, current debts prevent me from relocating until they are paid off - which is difficult to do, even taking into account my current level of income. If I lived somewhere more affordable, I could pay them off more quickly, but I'd also be making less money which would impinge my ability to do so.

I do not wish to continue living here. I do not wish to stay in my current position. My current residence is more expensive than I can afford, but I made a promise I would live here to someone I do not wish to disappoint. Additionally, I cannot guarantee that if I lived somewhere else, within the same basic geographical area, that it would be much less expensive than where I am now.

It will most likely be a year to two years before I can move to where I wish to be. I know he'll wait; I know I'll wait. The time weighs on me; not unbearably, but in a manner that causes me to feel utterly helpless - unable to move forward, and disliking the feeling of treading water.

I fear that a year will slide into two and drift into three and eventually there will be nothing left to hold on to; nothing left to wait for. I know better, but it still causes consternation. I have never been the most patient person; now is no different, except that I know I must take care of things here before I move on to the next step. I simply hate having to wait to do so.