forward motion

One day...tomorrow evening.

There are things neither of us has said, and things we have said, and there's weight attached to this. Reality will come creeping in tomorrow, and we're both inviting it to do so - we want to know, need to know, I suppose.

The beginning of a journey I've wanted for a long time begins next week - my supplies and tools will finally be arriving, I'll set up my workshop, and then? And then.

Breathe - so many things are beginning and ending and breathing is the way you get through them.

Fuck the meds, I hate how they feel and I hate questioning if I'm really myself. I'm giving it a try sans any chemical assistance for a bit. If I fall off the deep end, if it's true that I cannot govern myself without the help of something I despise, then I'll despise it and accept it. Otherwise, I want to try this alone. I can't tell anyone aside from him, and her, because they're the only two who truly understand it, and I'd rather not cause panic for everyone else while I do this. I don't need the judgment or the lectures; I need my own strength and a little understanding.

I just want to be myself, and I'm on the way to that; I'm tracing the steps to my dreams, and moving forward fearlessly. There's plenty to fear, but I refuse to do so. It's time to move forward - purpose, intent, confidence and assurance. Let everything else fade away into the background.