vernal

I forgot how much fun it is to swap music suggestions and spend far too long on the phone. It cheered me up, in ways I didn't realize I needed. Perhaps it's just nice to feel like it's a privilege for someone to spend time talking to me, rather than an obligation. I've felt much like an obligation lately - to everyone. It wears on me, very quickly.

This morning was the first morning since we moved here that I woke up and there were deer in the backyard. There was only one, but it made me smile, because I know it means that spring is almost here, and they'll be back, drifting through the orchard in the mornings. I never get past how beautiful they are; slender legs wrapped in mist, necks bent down to the ground as they graze; white tails high as they bound away if they hear a noise that is unfamiliar...

For the first time in a long time, I feel content this morning. Not perfect, but comfortable in my own skin. As if my internal seasons are slowly turning toward spring, along with the earth's. Things are not (and will not be) absolutely wonderful, but they're a little bit better...I feel as if parts of me are waking up and remembering who I am.