Decisions

I'm avoiding making a decision I absolutely have to make. To return to my current job and be miserable, or to leave and struggle while I try to get this off the ground. It's scary - either way will be hard. The hardest part is leaving the security of my salary - a good amount; I'm definitely financially comfortable while I'm employed there. The problem is that I'm so utterly miserable that I have a hard time picturing myself returning at all, let alone the 6 or so months it would take to set things up so that I was completely settled.

It's just that I'm scared not to go back, as well. I'm scared of struggling, financially - I've become used to being comfortable, and admittedly, there are some things I need to pay off in order to feel one hundred percent comfortable with how things will work going forward.

Even the process of deciding is taking its toll - the thought of returning makes me feel ill, but the thought of not returning long enough to absolutely ensure that things are financially secure worries me a fair amount. I wish I could foresee the future - both potentials. I wish I knew if I'd be okay if I didn't return, or as miserable as I think I'll be if I do.

Part of me wants to say screw it, and go back for about 6 to 8 months, then leave, having saved every last cent I can. Another part of me wants to forget the idea entirely - to simply bite the bullet and have faith that things will work out. I simply do not know - for once in my life I am completely and utterly unsure of either option being the best one for me.